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Noteworthy Quotes
“PromiseWare.”
-Term used to describe computer software which is promised, but not delivered nor installed, according to Linda Jo Demery, Washington State’s computer manager, quoted in the March, 1999 issue of Government Technology: E-Commerce.
“You know that check we gave you at the closing this morning? Well, bring it back!”
-Loan broker to a Maine consumer, telling the consumer that payment had been stopped on a proceeds check based upon the fact that “the appraisal didn’t meet the lender’s standards.” To prevent future situations like this, the Maine Legislature is in the process of enacting a “funded settlement” law.
“Hi, welcome to neighborhood. By the way, your auto finance company called my house, and they want you to call on their ‘800’ number.”
-Told to a Portland man who had lived in a new area for 3 weeks, by a neighbor 2 houses over whom he’d not previously met.
“I told [my Y2K coordinator] Bob Mayer that if, on January 2, 2000, the words “Governor King,” “computer” and “disaster” appear in the same headline, he’d best be looking for another job.”
-Governor Angus King, expressing confidence in Robert Mayer, Maine’s Chief Information Officer and co-chair of the state’s Y2K task force.
“Would it help if we sent you one of our nifty t-shirts?”
-A bonding company salesman, trying to convince Michael Brown of our office to place their company’s name at the top of the list sent to license applicants. Michael declined the offer, citing the office’s policy against gifts.
“In your letter to the auto dealership, let them know I’m not stupid. It’s just these old clothes that make me look that way.”
-A New Sharon, Maine consumer asking for our office’s assistance after he was denied credit without being given a reason.
“The only one above me around here is God.”
-The response of an unlicensed debt collector to a Morrill, Maine man who asked to speak to the collector’s supervisor.
“We would like to express our gratitude to the towing community following the recent passing of our father, who dedicated 42 years of his life to the towing and recovery industry. His funeral procession included more than 100 tow trucks from Illinois, Wisconsin, and Indiana.”
-Letter from the family of Ernest Vole, Sr. of Vernon Mills, Illinois in the March, 1999 issue of Tow Times, a magazine for the repossession industry.
“At 9:00 AM, I received a collect call. Since I was expecting to hear from my kids, I accepted. Immediately, I began to hear a woman speaking erotically. I hung up right away, but later got a bill for $20.”
-A Rockport consumer being dunned by collectors for an adult phone service. Consumers who want the service call a toll-free line, key in their own telephone number, then hang up and wait for a collect call. Keying in the wrong number, therefore, results in a collect call being placed to the wrong residence.
“Let me make this simple. If you like paying ATM fees, don’t vote for me. But if you do’t like paying ATM fees, vote for a candidate who opposes ATM fees. That’s right, me!”
-Campaign speech by fictional Presidential candidate Al Franken, in his new book “Why Not Me?” (Delacorte Press, 1999). Franken wins the 2000 election, campaigning on the single issue of lower ATM fees. The novel also features the Y2K bug erasing all records of ATM deposits made since 1979.
“Denied.”
-American Express to Dolly’s Books in Park City, Utah on March 1, 1999 when President Bill Clinton tried to purchase 3 books using his charge card, which had expired February 28.
“We weren’t throwing a pig off the bridge.”
-Texas lottery spokeswoman Leticia Vasquez, defending a TV commercial depicting a computer-generated, bungee-jumping hog. The swine’s 7 bounces were supposed to illustrate the 7 ways to win the “Texas Millions” game. Instead, viewer complaints caused the ad to be yanked 7 days early (Governing magazine; March, 1999).